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We ate the world

Objavil ekscest, dne 25.04.2007

Mr. Burns has always loved children.
This is an exclusive preview1 of his open letter to the world.
Subject: the way to save Africa.

“A Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in Africa from being a burden on their parents, country or continent, and for making them beneficial to the publick.

I think it is agreed by all parties, that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of Africa, a very great additional grievance; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound and useful members of the common-wealth, would deserve so well of the publick, as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the world.

Having turned my thoughts for many years, upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of our projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in their computation. It is true, a child just dropt from its dam, may be supported by her milk, for a solar year, with little other nourishment; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner, as, instead of being a charge upon their parents or countries or the continent, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall, on the contrary, contribute to the feeding, and partly to the cloathing of many millions.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

I have been assured by a very knowing Irishman2 of my acquaintance, that a young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricasie, or a ragoust.

I do therefore humbly offer it to publick consideration, that of over 20 million of children annually born and kept alive in Africa, one sixth may be reserved for breed, whereof only one fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle, or swine, and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by savages, therefore, one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the rest of children, at a year old, be offered in sale to the persons and institutions of quality and fortune, throughout the free world, always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump, and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish.

Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flea the carcass; the skin of which, artificially dressed, will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.

For this purpose shambles may be appointed, in the most convenient parts of well-to-do countries, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.

This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towards their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the publick, to their annual profit instead of expence. We should soon see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives, during the time of their pregnancy; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.

I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in Africa. This I freely own, and ’twas indeed one principal design in offering it to the world.”

To allow oneself one comment: seems almost too swift of a solution.

YouTube slika preogleda

  1. abridged version(back)
  2. Can’t be Christian Bale, he’s Welsh.(back)
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3 odgovorov v “We ate the world”

  1. Mr. Mojo Mr. Mojo pravi:

    “too *swift* of a solution”. Ko sta K in Š v Grobnici na podoben način citirala vire, so jima vzeli Ninovo nagrado, češ, da sta plagirala…
    Še dobro, da sta čas in prostor drugačna.

  2. ekscest pravi:

    Še dobro, v tem času-prostoru ni kaj vračati.

  3. Mr. Mojo » » Why feed the world, let the world feed us pravi:

    [...] Mr. Burns in Shamster sta se lotila reševanja vprašanja svetovne lakote. Rešitev je več. Vse so izvedljive. Zanimivo je, da sta Adi in Sarah navidezno na nasprotnih bregovih, vendar, kadar gre zares, sta pa očitno pripravljena stopiti skupaj. [...]

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